The Hills: an aftermath update – week 6

New love and old flames (Photo by Oreos via Wikimedia).

Last week ended with a verbal smack down between Audrina and Kristin because both of them like fighting for boys they don’t even date.  Spencer thought some puppy love for Heidi would calm her baby nerves and Brody thinks his relationship with Jade is over.

This week Kristin and Brody are hanging out, just as normal friends do, over a candlelight dinner. Over dinner Brody asked Kristin what she is going to do now that Justin is no longer in the picture; with a smooth casual answer Kristin replies, “move on to the next.”

As they discuss how single each one of them is, Kristin tries to pry answers out of Brody about what the “break” from Jade  is. Brody doesn’t really go into detail about what is actually going on between him and Jade, but doesn’t disagree when Kristin declares both of them single.

In Speidiland, Heidi is not only in love with the new puppies in her home but she still adores the idea of future spawns of Spencer running around. Why? I don’t know. Heidi even goes as far as to threaten Spencer by reminding him when he married her he knew she wanted to have children. She then asks him what he would do if she did get pregnant. I swear, if she reproduces anything with Spencer’s DNA, the baby will be born with that weird flesh-colored beard. Then the world will collapse on itself due the level of evil that entered the world.

On the other side of town, Audrina dines with Lo and explains her future dinner date with Justin because the spark just won’t go away. I love Lo’s response when Audrina asks why the spark won’t go away; because she needs a fire extinguisher. I had so much hope for Audrina.  When she took her stand last season and told Justin they were done I thought to myself, finally, a girl on this show with some cajones! But unfortunately she is still under the spell of the douchbag. No matter how many times she tells herself he’s changed, it doesn’t make it true.

Spencer is so freaked out by the thought of having babies he decides to see what the whole vasectomy craze is about. He seriously considers it up to the point when the doctor mentions permanent and pulls out some pretty pictures of the procedure. That was enough to send Spencer on his merry little way, nuts and berries intact.

As night falls, Brody and Kristin hit the town.  While partying with some friends in a nightclub, Brody and Kristin discuss the possibility of a future between them.  Jade’s destruction sensor must have gone off, as she so happens to walk by the cute couple in the midst of their discussion.  Instead of leaving things be, since she and Brody are technically on a break, Jades storms over like a bat out of hell demanding to know what is going on. Remember that break you wanted Jade? This is what happens when you tell a guy you want a break.

The next morning at Kristin’s pad, Kristen and Brody discuss the Jade fiasco that happened the night prior. Brody explains that there is no way he would get back together with Jade. I know he’s all about keeping the piece and not hurting anyone’s feelings but let’s be real.  If he went home and Jade was on his doorstep sobbing about how much she misses him, he would consider working things out. It’s just the way things go.

At the Speidi pad, Spencer is hanging out with Charlie and Enzo. Spencer tells Charlie that he hasn’t told Heidi about his doctor visit. Let me remind you, Enzo is still in the room. Obviously, this guy has never had kids before. Anyone who has kids or has been around the little recording boxes knows not to spill the beans if you don’t want others knowing about it. Not even 30 seconds after Heidi enters the room, Enzo gleefully tells her about Spencer’s visit.  He’s caught, he knows it.  He tries to explain his actions as gently as possible, but Heidi goes off the handle; which is understandable.  I don’t think any newlywed wife want to come home to the sound of, “Hi honey, I snipped off my baby factory today!”

The episode ends with Audrina having dinner with Justin, basically pouring her heart out to him, then Justin explaining he likes what he had with Kristen.

There are love triangles brewing, and seduction in near future.

Check in next week for another aftermath update of The Hills.