Ten panels you can’t miss at Comic-Con 2009

Comic-Con 2009 invades San Diego this Wednesday (photo from 'statelyenglishmanor' via Flikr)

Confession first: I am no geek. I grew up in upper middle class Pennsylvania playing sports and trying to be cool. Video games and comics were background noise to girls and pizza. Now age 24, I’m about to steer through this week’s Comic-Con without a paddle.

Eight months ago, through no short stroke of luck I found myself involved in a television series that fits right in at Comic-Con. Problem is … I don’t. I am a mainstream San Diegan, unqualified in any capacity to fanboy the four-day con-vention, yet as many titles flew way over my head while reading the list of events, a few highlights caught my plebian attention. Here are ten attractions the casual fan can enjoy:_

“V” – ABC has successfully brought one sci-fi show into the mainstream with Lost, and they’re attempting to do it again. It looks a lot like Independence Day from the trailer, but that’s because ID4 ripped off the original “V” miniseries 13 years prior. Cheeseball dialogue and overacting is sure to ensue, but there could be enough cool stuff to get everyone on board. Panel: Thursday, July 23, 6-9pm

“New Moon” – Knowing about Twilight is the newest way for guys to get laid. I’m sure this sequel will actually be watchable because of the bigger budget, meaning shorter staring contests between Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. “Surprise members” of the cast will probably include one of those scary Native American dudes and that annoying BFF who couldn’t get a date for prom. Panel: July Thursday, July 23, 1:45 – 2:45pm

“Avatar” – James Cameron is claiming his newest release will revolutionize cinema, and we have no reason to disbelieve him. The once truck driver has brought us Terminator, Aliens, and Titanic just to name a few. His topic secret, way-too-expensive-to-be-successful project (they said the same thing about Titanic) will be unveiled with exclusive footage. Seats are available! … for sure not. Panel: Thursday, July 23, 3 – 4:45pm

“Terry Gilliam’s The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus” – You’ve probably quoted Gilliam a thousand times and not even known it. Monty Python? That’s him. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas? Him again. Time Bandits? That’s that movie your friend is always telling you to see but you never got around to it, but when you do you’ll bug another friend until he/she does the same. Gilliam’s new dig is buzzing for many reasons, the heaviest of which is Heath Ledger’s death mid-filming. That, coupled by an A-List cast and a bizarre plot should spin off as late 2009’s biggest film. Trailer/Panel: Thursday, July 23, 4:30 – 5:15pm

“Dexter” – Everyone’s favorite serial killer! Michael C. Hall will be taking any and all questions that aren’t related to his gay relationship with a cop on Six Feet Under. There will also be an exclusive sneak peek at the new season of Dexter that starts in late September. Panel: Thursday, July 23, 5 – 6pm

“Green Lantern: First Flight” – The thing I admire most about comic book fans is that they’re constantly let down by Hollywood out-of-touch producers and filmmakers, yet still flock to the theaters for every superhero movie. Why? My guess is the trailer is always bad-ass. The Green Lantern should be no exception. Go to this, skip the movie. Panel/Trailer: Thursday, July 23, 8 – 930pm

“Spartacus: Blood and Sand” – Graphic novel style violence and sex with nothing held back. Starz aims to make itself heard as a prominent premium network with their high action drama about the man who led the biggest slave revolt the Roman Empire ever faced. Hopefully it’ll be like 300, only with an actual story. Panel: Friday, July 24, 12:45 – 1:45pm

“District Nine” – Peter Jackson, the Lord of Long Movies, decided to produce something shorter and much cooler; an alien flick filmed like a documentary. The plot is about extraterrestrial refugees who have been stuck in Africa for 30 years and nobody wants them around. The trailer is a lot cooler than my description. Panel: Thursday, July 24, 3:45 – 5:00pm

“Lost” – Ambiguously gay creating duo Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse be answering questions without actually answering questions, and guarantee “surprises” that will surely not reveal anything about the final season. Why go? Because if you’re hooked, you’re hooked. Panel: Saturday, July 25, 11am – 12pm

“Weeds” – Some nighttime fun with the cast and creator Jenji Kohan. This show has consistently been entertaining even as it spins more out of control each season. I’m sure some guy will stand up and ask Kohan the question, “What do you call the thing between the dick and the a-hole?” (ed. we’ve got to keep this PG-13) That possibility alone plus the likeliness that everyone is high is enough to catch this one. Panel: Saturday, July 25, 8 – 9pm

There you go: Ten events that any conventional human can enjoy at Comic-Con. My equally aloof colleague Shannon and I will be blogging all weekend while wading through the madness, updating you on ugly costumes, celebrity sightings, and stuff we stole from the booths, plus a wrap up sometime next week. Until then, get your geek on!